Gossiphilosophy

Will you agree with me if I say that gossip is the best thing that happened to us humans? Without it, what would social gatherings be? Without it, how can we belong to the “it” group? And without it, how can we look better than others? So yes, gossip, as I’d like to put it, is the life-giving tug at the human heart. The psychological perspective of gossip is a whole higher level and I believe I lack the knowledge to even dare to start about it. But what I really want to know are some simple answers to three questions boiling in my mind.

-         Why do we gossip?

-         What happens when we are gossiped about?

-         Is gossip inherent to humans?

Even though classically, women are supposed to be more fluent at gossiping, men do so too. Of course, like with everything else, groups belonging to different genders have different ways of gossiping. Women are probably known at it better, because they can voice their emotions better. Women are much more verbal than men. (I’d love to know your opinions on this) Hold on; let me clarify to you, my definition of gossip. Gossip is malicious talk about another’s personal affairs with the intention of disrupting his or her reputation. Now, the later part of this definition is subjective. Just because we gossip, that does not make us cold-hearted, evil-doers, up and about to tarnish another person’s status. (That would make us all malevolent!). Gossiping could be intended harmless, but it will, directly or indirectly, be pointed against another. If we go down the evolutionary track, at the end of the day, Darwin is right. Ultimately it is the fit who will survive. Thus, we are, like all animals in this kingdom, hold one goal in life- to be fitter than the other in order to survive. Thus, gossiping is a subtle way of letting down another which in turn, pushes you or your group of comrades, higher in the status pedestals. Greek? Ok, I will restate it with an example. Imagine the political scenario in Sri Lanka. One party discusses the affairs of the others (not the good ones, mind you). Why? Obviously, to let the rivals down and exhilarate themselves. Why does Cosmopolitan carry a gossip column in which they discuss the number of times JLo failed at marriage and Britney’s mental health? To gain popularity and trust me, these beauty magazines are much more intelligent than we give them credit for. They know exactly how to cater to their audience by using gossip tactics to reach to their readers’ inner psyche. Well, with all that said, I still haven’t answered my first question – why do we gossip? After reading a few pieces here and there (they weren’t all scientific, mind you) I came up with four answers to this question

1. to bond with each other
2. to stay in line
3. to gain popularity
4. to learn lessons

If we were to wake up tomorrow and gossip no longer existed, what would life be? What are we going to say to our comrades when we see them? What are we going to preoccupy our minds with all day long? Thus, gossip, since tribal times was a strong glue that bonded groups of people and excluded groups of others. This is exactly why girls who don’t wear cherry lip-gloss cannot be friends with the popular ones! And this is exactly why guys who sit in the first row in the history class, can’t hang out with the beer-exploiting oafs. Gossip is a mode of information. By gossiping, we stay on track with the norms of our community. And of course, some people like to be gossiped about, to be popular and others are the best gossipers and a social gathering cannot run without them. Finally, and this is the good of gossip, we learn a whole deal of lessons via gossip. Do not sleep over at a guy friend’s house unless you want to be called a heedless slut. If you are shopping at the discount section of a flashy store, make sure to dress like a ninja. It is through the mistakes of others that we learn (and somehow, not through our own mistakes!).

Now, what happens if we are gossiped about, other than the phenomenal realization that we are popular? Have you ever been the topic of a social gathering? I have, and I know it darn browbeats you! Even if I said that I will not go into psychological substance, here’s the deal. Being constantly gossiped about, thus having your name tarnished has a lot of impact on you. Along the same lines of the Greek I was rambling on about above, being accepted is a part of being human. The moment we get completely excluded from groups we ought to belong to, it frustrates and impairs the other departments of life. This effect is much stronger within adolescents and unfortunately, gossip is at its most fiery among them. Being gossiped about is somewhat similar to being bullied. It will not only make us feel judged and mortified, but will also rob away our trust on humans. Of course, I am stating obvious things. But sadly, these simple and obvious things are greatly ignored.

Finally and most importantly (I am awfully curious regarding this question) is gossiping inherent to humans? Would animals gossip if they had a vocal language? Maybe they do! (I am letting my imagination go bananas and picturing an arrogant poodle commenting on how rusty the coat of the street-pooch next door is). If, as I said, gossiping is a vital means of socialising, then shouldn’t it be an integrated part of humanness? The answer is yes. (Feel free to comment if you know otherwise) This also means that there is no escape from gossiping.

Well, let’s now let’s lay the cards on the table. Gossiping is mostly not good, but it is unavoidable. Yet, just because we have no escape from something doesn’t mean that we can’t have it under control. How? Maybe gossiping a little bit and not too much? Well, maybe. But, what we really need to do is to start understanding what bad reputation can do to people. It can steal away a lifetime of hard work and achievement; it can turn a once dear friend to a mortal enemy; it can even make people begrudge society. Depression is not cool, when you are the victim. Having people turn heads every time you walk into a room is worse. So let’s be blunt. Do not gossip. If you can’t hold up your tongue, try to reconsider what you say and who you say it to. Well, you know, you can always gossip about public gossip like what they do in telly shows or better, why not talk about philosophy, science, technology and other educable stuff at gatherings? (I’m just suggesting J ). Remember, people are beyond what we see and what we think we know. They are deeper than what they do and who they display themselves as, on the outside. Just because a rumour scandalizes a person’s character, it doesn’t mean that they are all bad. The rest of us are not all good either, mind you. Remember the story of Mary Magdeline and Jesus? Well, dare to throw that first stone if and ONLY if you are all angelic. If you don’t know this story, just ignore that bit, but please let’s not commit murder. Because, gossip, the tangled up grapevine, chokes its victims to painful deaths and we are all responsible for watering it.